Over the years I have learned that nobody is in your mind and knows really all your thoughts. So naturally, you can’t expect others to think, or to process information precisely the way you do. That’s why I learned and still learning how communication plays a huge role in everything we are experiencing in life, from the relationships you have with your family, to your professional experience to your love relationships.
I’m currently reading an incredible book called The Awakened Family was written by the amazing Shefali Tsabary. For now, I have read forty pages and it’s incredible this book is already mind-opening. She talks about how the parents’ beliefs and idealization of having a child will impact the life of the child itself. She talks even more deeply about how society nurtures each of our lives with so many myths about being parents. The first myth she explains is that parents are supposed to always put their children first, even if it means that the parents will be put aside. Obviously, I’m reading this book now not because I want to start a family but because I want to educate myself. More specifically, because I’m working with kids and I’m sure that Shefali Tsabary’s powerful words will help me understand children better and how to guide them to live their own life with a purpose. Because that’s what life is all about, each child is born and has an opportunity to live in this crazy world and the purpose of life is to live mindfully and with a purpose.
Shefali Tsabary said: « These myths are so pervasive and so deeply entrenched in society’s accepted way of doing things that it never occurs to most of us to question them. » « Despite the resistance, we may experience to changing our beliefs about parenting, there’s no avoiding the fact that every parent is in a profound relationship with these cultural myths. The myths define how our children are ‘supposed to be’, which often has nothing to do with who a child actually is. »
With this article, I want to express my momentum thoughts for myself first, but also because I believe it’s something powerful to share. I want to talk about authenticity. Because this word means so much to me and I think we don’t give it enough credit. Nowadays, with society and social media, we are pushing to do everything everyone does without thinking if it’s really something we want to do for ourselves and our happiness. We are doing things either because it’s a trend or because if someone did it it’s certain that it will bring the same outcome for us. Therefore, we expect that to be true. But we are not thinking in a mindful way and that is the missing point here. I can say that I’m currently working on that, I try some new things to see if they will bring me happiness, positivity, and peace. But with the intention that it will bring me something and not in order to show others what I’m doing.
I’m talking about authenticity because every human on Earth is born with his own and from the beginning of his life, it is triggered and it’s hard for a child who cannot express it naturally. It all starts with his parents, like a said before if they have some idealization of how their child should be and their expectations about him. This fragile authenticity who is as new as the newborn can’t show his full potential because there is so much that is triggered. I think that’s an unconscious behavior from the parents because for every human it’s natural to have intentions and expectations even more for our blood being born into the world. But that unconscious behavior isn’t without consequences for the child and then how he will experience his adult life.
I think that personally, we are thought to put aside this authenticity right the moment we start school because we have to be good, to be seen as good as others. The pressure to have good grades to be seen by our parents and by society in general. There is no room for authenticity there because we are talking about productivity to achieve a specific goal. In general, it’s not the child’s goal but the parent’s expectations they have for their child and his future. As we grow with our authenticity put aside we aren’t nurturing it and it can’t express itself and grow as we hope. Then we start our adult life and we have no memory of where is it hiding and how we should use it in order to live our true selves.
I think that our authenticity is a huge part of each and every one of us and that make us unique as the individual. That’s a good thing not a bad one like society wants to make us believe. In order to live a life with purpose and in a mindful way we have to let us guide by our authenticity and flow with it. And to finish this authenticity need words to be expressed to others and that means communicating as I said at the beginning of this article. One of my favorite author; Jay Shetty said beautifully: » I don’t wanna « win » the argument or feel « right ». That’s not the point nor my objective. I wanna feel like we’ve come to an understanding on the issue at hand. I want both of us to walk away feeling hear & understood. It’s not a competition. »
I love this quote because it’s truly true and everyone should act based on this for their own relationships. It will make them so much easier and every mind will be more at peace I’m truly convinced. I try in my day-to-day life to apply this and to think about the purpose of my communication. That’s hard I’m not gonna lie because we are so good at shooting words without even thinking about them and then regret them when we hear ourselves out loud but it’s too late or almost. Words are so powerful and have a huge impact on the person you have next to you and you will never predict how this person will react and how she will be hurt by those words.